Don’t Know How To Get Started in Online Dating? Here’re Some Top Message Tips and Examples

What these men fail to realize is that deception and manipulation are at the very core of whatever attraction or dependency they’ve built around the relationship. That’s a recipe for failure. How can the expect something that will last? Authentic relationships cannot succeed when built on a foundation of “gaming” or manipulation. Period. At the end of the day, I truly think most men (and women) value long-term relationships and commitments and want to be free of “the chase” and find a person who builds up their self-esteem and pushes them to be better than these people were before. When I think about it, PUA seems to run contrary to what these men actually want to accomplish. Even Neil Strauss comes to grips with the fact that the PUA ways are inherently bad, in his book The Truth. Strauss has learned from his own shortcomings and personal demons. His highly publicized marriage was, if anything, a vote of no confidence in the practice he helped to popularize.bongacams model The most notable pick up artist is retired, his single life is and contains been dead; and I think it’s time for the PUA community  to retire this practice of seduction through manipulation.

It’s destructive, creates distrust and eventually bears little fruit for the women fooled by the system designed to seduce them and really doesn’t help men find lasting happiness and stunts their emotional growth. Beyond that, “gaming” women is one of the greater acts of disrespect that can be committed against a woman. It offers to end. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Online Dating “So you’re a church girl,” he said. I laughed to myself. Here we go. “No, I’m Christian who happens to be a woman,” I said. I’m a preacher’s daughter and grew up in church most of my life. Now I’m fully aware of the stereotype and misconceptions that come with being the “church girl.” Let me see if I get this right. We’re freaks. We say we go to church.

We shout on Sunday mornings, but get us in the bedroom and we have you shouting “thank you Jesus” and throwing up hail Mary’s. Waiting until marriage is a cute theory but let’s be real, who does that these days!? I do! At least that’s my goal and I’m striving. For clarification purposes to all men, just because a woman claims to be a Christian but may sleep with you, should not discredit her Christianity or her morals and values. Sounds a bit strange or hypocritical? I’m speaking only from my perspective and experience. I’m an affectionate person. I love, love and I love to display it through hugs, kisses, etc. Blame it on my Capricorn sign or simply just the way God created me. When in a relationship, because of my faith and desire to be celibate, it’s a struggle that gets the best of me from time to time. I meet a great guy. I put my belief and desire to be celibate upfront. He accepts it and states that although that may or may not be his desire, he will oblige. But every once in a while the flesh of passion rises and I succumb to my own desire of pleasure.

I feel a bit guilty afterward (that’s called conviction). I repent and strive to do better. We have the “talk” in which I explain why we can’t do it again and we must set boundaries for the relationship. But then it may happen again. I know this drives the man crazy! I’ve absolutely realized that it’s not fair to the guy. It’s a roller coaster ride that is fun at first, but then it just gets aggravating and makes you sick. In defense, for those who may be Christians, the fight between spirit and flesh is so real, particularly with dating. It’s the same concept between right and wrong. Doing what you know is right and doing what you know will make you feel good for the moment. Its called being human. Just because a woman is a Christian does not negate her desire for intimacy and sex. Sex is fantastic and the ultimate kind of intimacy when with the right person (husband). But understand that the fight is not only about sex.

It’s about what we’re really saying about God. How is that being portrayed to the guy I’m dating? Am I feeding into the stereotype? Am I giving him a bad view of christians? Am I drawing him to the church or away from the church? ( Like the church doesn’t have a bad reputation already) Did I mention the fight is real!? Speaking of the church. Dating is such an under taught concept that begins and ends with “don’t have sex before marriage.” But what about the in between. How do we do we do the whole dating thing God’s way?

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink

Many of us are left to our own interpretations. Fellas, listen. It’s not our desire to get you all excited and aroused and then leave you hanging with frustration and agitation.

It’s not our desire to lead you on or misrepresent Christ. It really is our desire to be in a healthy relationship that pleases God. On behalf of all Christian woman who love God but fight in the area of abstinence, we apologize. Ladies, we must take responsibility for our actions and our struggles. We must be upfront with our belief and desires and stick with it! The guy will either respect it, challenge it, or go with the flow until he gets fed up. We must develop self-control and boundaries. We can’t get upset with a guy who only wants sex once we constantly give it up, praying about it later, then inviting him to church. Wondering why we don’t go out much. We realize why.

Mr. Right will not only oblige our desire to wait until marriage, but will have his own standards and boundaries that will align with your same belief. Fellas, “church girls” are actually great women to seek out. We have our struggles like every other woman. But if she certainly is a Christian woman who goes to church and contains a relationship with Christ, she will not seek to frustrate you, but build you up and be more of an influence when compared to a hindrance. Besides, the stereotypes of “church girls” may hold a little truth. And from what I hear, most men want a lady in the streets, but a…., well you’ll have to put a ring on it before we complete the rest of that statement! Photo Credit: Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook12Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating Here we have been with another “Ask the Urban Dater” question from one of your readers. The question comes from Julie. She desires to know why I’m so amazing. Dear Julie, some things just are! You can’t have not ever wasn’t never isn’t! Can you!?? ( Thanks Louis CK). Julie is having issue with her guy. He never seems to plan anything; he’s the opposite of trigger happy. She desires to know what it means and I tell her what this turd of a man is up to. Relationships make many of us think either too much or too little, it seems. Doesn’t it? Anyway, I’m inclined to think your guy isn’t trying to give you the “slow roll” out of town. I kinda think the dude is lazy.

That’s my take anyway. So this guy may need some motivation, in spite of the fact that you feel like you’d rather do nothing in order to see how he responds to it. I might say avoid the pissing match, if it is possible to help it! I was talking with my girlfriend about this. We thought there was clearly some merit into getting this guy to go half way. You’ll have to initiate the date or “hang out” as it were. Do something simple. Arrange meeting up at a new spot, a coffee house or something, and then give him “homework” and have him pick out a dinner spot. Somewhere neither of you have been before. Sure, there’s a very real chance he may choose poorly, but that’s not the point. It’s the effort, we’re looking for.

Be sure to reward him for making a decision; maybe throw in a thanks and something like “Wow, why don’t you ever choose more places and things to do. This was so much fun!” You see what I’m getting at there, right? You could be more blunt and say: Look asshole, choose! Seriously though, I have a couple buddies who are incapable of making a decision once we hang out. Really, it’s baaad! So I typically become making the plans. Well sometimes I tell these guys: “Guys, today is indecision Sunday! I’m not doing a lick to figure out what we do. I’m going to drive in a straight line until someone decides on something.” That’s a bit more extreme, but I think it strikes a sense of urgency to figure out a plan. If this guy still doesn’t rise to the challenge he definitely needs a talking to. You need to tell him to stop being twat and plan stuff because you’re getting tired of doing it all the time. Not only that, you need to tell him that you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you or that he doesn’t make it feel like he really wants to be with you. Hopefully these hints will help you get out of your own head and stop over analyzing things and get some cold hard facts out of this dude. Good luck! UD Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, Relationships Valentine’s Day is not as much as a month away (14th February) and you are hyped up to take your girl out for a special night on the town. But hold up Mr. Date Doctor, it doesn’t take a lot to fall from a hero to a zero in your quest to conquer your girlfriend’s heart. Obviously it should be a night that stands out from your usual mini dates. This list will show you which ideas to stay away from and help you avoid  being alone on the 14th of February.

How to have Over Breakup Blues

Sports pub + hot wings A BIG NO NO – unless she REALLY REALLY loves the combination of hot chicken wings and the sports pub.  There are definitely many girls who like sports and would watch the game with you and rub it in your friend’s faces, when her team wins. But seriously bro, it’s Valentine’s Day not the Superbowl. Romeo and Juliet never kissed, while having a nice BBQ chicken feast or sitting as you’re watching flat screen and watching Kobe finishing up a 40+ points game. You might start thinking about those nights on another day, but not on this particular day. Just make her feel that you were ready to do something different and dropped your usual games recap show late night. So leave Kobe and Sharapova alone and take your girl out somewhere nice. Your friend’s band is playing a gig okay dude, you might as well ask yourself now, what this night’s going to be all about – your friends or your girlfriend’s? I’ll give you a hint: it’s hers!

There is always a big night out guaranteed in full, as soon as your mate’s having a gig, but you’d be doing yourself a favor and going to the next one (assuming there was one). If she loves the band and the music, this might be a nice date, but not for this special occasion. You wish to make her feel special, show her how much you care – Romance NOT Bromance! Saw Movie Marathon Maybe you have forgotten, but there are 8 Saw flicks out now currently. Hence, maybe on another day you would call up a movie marathon with your mates. Bu again, this isn’t a Valentine gift you want your girl to sit through.  Always remember – ROMANCE! There was clearly never a talk about severed limbs and bleeding guts in ‘The Notebook.’ She should enjoy the chocolate you gave her, not bring them up again. So skip the horror part and sit through a romantic comedy, which she will be in to. It won’t kill you to watch some romantic movie, but it may kill her to spend her night with Jigsaw. Diamond – encrusted toilet seat Valentine’s Day is never about the money, but taking out your girl for dinner in a really fancy restaurant and then gets her even a $105,000 diamond encrusted toilet seat? This is what you call chivalry! This is what Ben Affleck might have thought, when he gave his Valentine gift to his past ex-girlfriend Jennifer Lopez.

No wonder, it was voted the least romantic gesture of all time. I might be quite careful with the gift ideas you wish to buy, but don’t we men have that problem all year long? If it’s a diamond encrusted toilet seat or a Krispy Kreme heart-shaped doughnut, always make an effort to get a second opinion. It might sound cool to you, but it is probably not the most appropriate gift. Church I mean, there was never anything wrong with faith, but if your Valentine’s date really ends up in a church … it’s better when you just go home, forget the night and wait for next Valentine’s Day! What do you think is the worst date idea? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas, Special Tagged in: dates, a few ideas, valentines day Many of us have suffered a breakup at least once once we were in our teens. Falling in love is the easiest thing to do when one is young and carefree. It is also fashionable to be in a relationship, and when we feel attracted to someone else, we feel a sense of pleasure and comfort realizing that we have been not going to be alone anymore.

What is true love? Is this true love or just an addiction that is a kind of escapism? We become dependent on someone else once we get into a relationship. We hope to forget our past and look forward to sharing quality time with the person with whom we have entered in to a relationship. Initially, we enjoy the love and adulation from our partner, so when there is an argument or danger to the relationship, we have been unable to accept where things have gone wrong. We try to make amends or beg the other person to understand our perspective and if things do not workout we end up feeling depressed and blue. Dealing with depression  How can one deal with depression after a breakup? You need to start thinking about if the love you feel for your partner was one-sided. Were you certainly in love…or just in love with the idea of being in a relationship? This is important to understand as it will help you get over your ex faster if you realize that you were not necessarily in love with them but with the very thought of being “in love.” It is normal to get depressed when things do not work out right and you feel the absence of your loved one. Here are a few tips for dealing with post-break up depression: Accept the situation if you wish to move on. Believe me, this is the quickest way to have over someone. Usually do not continue to mope and cry in the hope of getting that person back. Instead seek closure, and stop making contact with your ex.

eliminate the photos, gift ideas, and other trivial items that you exchanged when you were dating. There is no need any reminders of the time spent together. Meet friends and try not to wallow in self-pity alone at home. When you are out with other people, you will have less time to mope and sulk. Time is the best healer  Even though your heart is broken and you think you’ll never be happy again, with time you’ll find that the pain has eased and that you are able to believe rationally again. You may see your ex with some one and not feel any twinges. This is a good sign that denotes you’re getting over your depression. At this stage, usually do not make an effort to jump in to a new relationship as the feelings you will have will stem from a rejection that generally occurs due to a rebound. Enjoy the time you have doing things that you want to do and never having to rush home because some one is waiting for you. You will instantly feel the cloud of depression lifting and you will start feeling light-headed and at peace again. You will know when you’re ready to get into another relationship but do not jump the gun. Your past experiences will make you a little more cautious, and you will soon meet your true love because this time around you are not rushing in to a relationship.   a bad breakup makes you mature and helps you never to make the same mistake again. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook11Tweet0Pin3 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, For Women, Relationships, Self, Tips & Advice Tagged in: break up advice, breaking up, how to get over a breakup, how to get over someone, how to get over your ex As I sit and write this I’m thinking of ways to torment my co-workers and the people I love.

  Perhaps it’s time to fake those sex change pictures again and horrify my family once more… Or maybe hiding my boss’s phone up in the ceiling tiles and repeatedly call it, ala Jim, from the Office.  Just the other day I was looking through our keywords to see what would come up. Here are a but a few of the very popular search phrases people use to find our little site… Urban Dater is a Jerk – I have to own that one this one, when you write articles with “Confessions of a Jerk” in the title it’s only inevitable that you start seeing related keyword leadins…  However, that people are specifically typing the Urban Dater gives me all sorts of warm fuzzies! baby powder attract female – A while back, the awesome Cole Harmonson, over at Pre-Middle Age did an awesome guest post for us on men who attempt to seduce women by wearing baby powder. It’s a regular keyword lead-in.  For the record, I’ve found little success with this technique. Just sayin’ facial hair dating – What can I saw bearded folk (like yo mama) need some McLovin’ too! girl eats soggy waffle – You guys ever heard that phrase “innocence lost?”  That’s kind of what I felt had happened to me when I decided to search this term up. the octopus date guy – My site doesn’t even come up for this term, how on earth they got here is beyond me!  All I know is that this “octopus guy” sounds like the most talented dater. EvAr!!!! Laurie Davis, a Digital Dating Coach over at was at the digital dating game and helping countless people find love on the internet and helping them with would-be daters pimp their profiles for the maximum “hey how YOU doin’ effect.”  Obvioulsy she is no stranger to off the wall search phrases.

  Here are a few that she shared with me: Ny city firemen are cheaters – Oof!  That’s a bad beat for the fire fighters of NYC.  Ouch! How old is laurie davis, eflirt – I like this one because people want to know all sorts of things about successful individuals.  I did my own research and found  out Laurie is merely 16 years old!  I’m kidding of course.  Make no mistake though, she’s bold, young and quite successful! Take some pointers from her, kids. Skin mole removal – Wow. I don’t even know what to say here.  All I know is that Laurie might have a keyword worth exploiting here!  In addition to sprucing up your profile, you get a trial size sample of mole removal! The possibilities are endless here!

Most popular place to keep condoms – This is a highly educational lead-in to any dating related site.  Many individuals really don’t know where they should keep their condoms!  The blender, microwave and your mom’s room all seem like sub-standard places to keep your condoms.  Just sayin’. Wink WInk Zoe, exactly what do I say about Zoe, here?  While she’s no longer the “new blogger” on the dating blogger block, she’s still fresh to the scene, but really, the girl is ALL over the place in the social mediaverse! That’s a good thing!  Zoe can be a occasional lunch companion, which is awesome!  It’s through some of our lunches that I’ve learned that the woman loves her Asian men, which makes sense since she studies at a school with a high level of Asian enrollment… That and maybe because she lived in Korea for some time, too. Talk about putting yourself where in actuality the action is! punjab boobs sex – Man.  What does one say to this?  Sometimes search phrases give you a sense of what a person is writing about, sometimes it’s completely off.

  I’d have been completely surprised had Zoe not done a sexually charged post on her site not too long ago.  *shakes head* i love asian men – If you’ve ever talked to her, you essentially understand.